Be-YOU-tiful

I have debated about this post topic all week. I can't get it out of my head, and I'm not sure what I would post if I didn't choose this topic. So, I'm going to listen to the whispers from God and do it. Some things no one knows only God does, but I hope this post will help someone through their hard times.

Being myself was hard to do through out school. I just wanted to be accepted. In elementary school I was fine, it wasn't until middle school that I found myself loosing friends because we didn't have classes together or they changed and made other friends. I tried to be apart of the popular group, they were nice at first, but then I started to notice the dirty looks and when I would walk up they stop talking, so it was really awkward. I have always struggled with my weight, and I would just think to myself "maybe if I was skinny, I would have more friends or more people would like me". I cried a lot, I'm crying now writing this. Remembering at lunch time classmates moving more chairs to a lunch table just so they didn't have to sit with me. I don't think I was weird, I was very quiet, I never understood why classmates acted the way they did, all I knew is that it hurt. 

High school wasn't much better, 9th grade, again I just tried to fit in and find friends. In 9th we had to take PE, I hated PE. Having to dress out in front of others, I'm not athletic, never have been. One day we were walking around the track, and to older guys came up to me and asked "if I wanted to be his girlfriend" I said no, with a weird look on my face, but deep down I was happy that they noticed me, but as they walked away I heard them say "let's go find another fat girl to ask". I was immidiatly crushed, those happy feelings I felt were completely gone and I was ready for class to be over. All my friends had boyfriends and I could never get a guy to look at me. I just wanted a guy to like me and to talk to me. During these times I did think about suicide, and inflicting pain on myself because of the pain I felt, not seriously, but it did cross my mind. I didn't think anyone would notice that I was even gone, but I knew I would hurt my family. 

I never drastically changed, I just hung out with people and tried to be something that I wasn't. I wasn't popular, or athletic, in 9th grade I hung out with the punk/goth crowd just because they were nice to me. As I got older I found different people to hang out with. I tried to be more of myself, rather than something I'm not. If I could go back, I would try to teach myself to love who I am. I am still insecure to this day and I probably always will be. I wish I had the "I don't care attitude" but I don't. I would tell myself to find true friends that liked me for me, that didn't judge me. My husband, whom I met junior year in high school was my saving grace, he truly does love me no matter what, he has been here for me since day one. I would tell myself to trust in God more, and give my worries to him, and to have a closer relationship with him. I felt alone a lot in school, I know now that I wasn't ever alone he was always there, and so was my family, but I didn't talk to them about any of this. 

If I could tell someone else anything it would be to; BE{YOU}TIFUL, worry about your relationship with God before your friends, trust in Him, and you are never alone!! 

But The Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on outward appearance, but The Lord looks on the heart." 
1 Samuel 16:7

People are always going to judge each other, just treat others the way you want to be treated! 

I don't want anyone to feel pity towards me, I chose to write this in hopes to help others that could be going through the same things. It was very difficult to write this and share things that no one knows happened. Jesus, the sweetest name I know, now gives me comfort, I lean to Him whenever I have doubts or fears! 

 

I love this song and it fits in perfectly with my post.

{You're worth more than gold!}